Taking Back America!
Almost all of Barack Obama's promises come with an expiration date. So, it is a rare thing indeed when one of those promises is kept. I count two thus far, and they probably weren't the ones anyone wanted keeping at all, sort of that is. He promised to send energy prices sky rocketing, and yes, unfortunately he kept that promise. He promised a new tone for political discourse, and he kept that one, albeit not quite the new tone people assumed.
Ironic that this is the quality which emanates from MSNBC these days. These are the same people who refer to bloggers as unqualified pajama wearing dolts who play fast and loose with the facts. Let me state here and now that Mitt Romney is right to release any number of tax returns he is comfortable with. This game will never end, no matter how many years worth of returns he releases. The game is deflection, straw men, and ad hominem attacks. So, since the new tone has been set, let's play along. Here are my top five baseless accusations to level at Democrats, based on sources every bit as credible as Harry Reid's.
1. Barack Obama is indeed an illegal alien. A credible anonymous source called me on the phone last night and confided in me that he knows for a fact that Barack Obama was not born in the United States. He in fact was not even born on Earth. He is from the planet GBLPHMSCHTADT. This is why he is so overly sensitive about the size of his ears. By applying the same rules so thoughtfully provided by Harry Reid and MSNBC, et al, it is up to Barack Obama to prove otherwise. A Birth Certificate should suffice.
2. A credible source who watches MSNBC on a nightly basis called me last night and told me that Chris Matthews spends his weekends listening to Barack Obama's speeches while dressing up like Natalie Wood singing, "I Feel Pretty." Singing show tunes in drag apparently enhances that tingling feeling Matthews gets up his leg. If Matthews fails to disprove this somehow, it means that he has something to hide, and this is could be it.
3. According to an anonymous source who called me late last night, Harry Reid, who is a Mormon, is part of a sect that practices polygamy. He has multiple wives who support his lavish life style by working as prostitutes in the only state in the union which allows such a profession. This would explain why a Mormon would live in the most decadent state of our nation. By the standard of acceptable mud slinging determined by Reid himself, If Harry Reid does nothing to disprove this allegation, it may not mean that this is true, but it does meant that Reid has something to hide.
Isn't this fun? You can play too. All you need to do is to leave your baseless anonymous allegation as a comment below.
4. According to a credible source who called me last night, someone who once voted in the state of California, Nancy Pelosi's over sized gavel which she carried to spike the Obamacare football, is actually a witch's broom that she uses to fly around Washington D.C. upon. She received the broom as a gift for joining a coven of witches/real estate investors, and subsequently proving herself far more evil than any of the others thought possible. In recognition of Nancy's pushing the outside of the envelope of wickedness and evil, she received the broom disguised as a gavel and free cosmetic surgery for life. While the broom has proven itself useful, San Fran Nan still looks like she always has. Nancy must come clean immediately and prove this false, or risk being burned at the stake.
5. As it turns out, according to a credible phone call I received last night, from a source who wishes to remain anonymous, Joe Biden actually had a surgical procedure performed in which his entire body was transformed into plastic. According to my source, this will enable Biden to continue enjoying as much alcohol as wishes without exhibiting any of the physical signs overtly. This would explain his seemingly endless supply of gaffes at the most bizarre of moments, telling paraplegics to stand so that the crowd could get a good look, eulogizing the still living mother of Ireland's Prime Minister, and then realizing that it was the man's father who recently passed away, things like that. According to the standard established by the Democrats and their apologists, the burden of proving this story false now rests squarely on the shoulders of Joe Biden, or as I will not refer to him, Vice President Plastic Man.
So much for the post partisan transformative figure who would lead us all beyond the destructive days of division. It would seem that as soon as he faces the slightest bit of electoral adversity, the inner old school Chicago Style Thug comes racing to the surface. I have always liked fairy tales, and in that spirit, please tell me the one about a transformative leader who will make us cast our cynicism aside. While you're at it, be certain to include the snake oil sales pitch of how we will have this endless supply of rich people willing to be soaked so that I will be taken care of and pampered with every creature comfort known to man without having the burden of contributing so much as a dime to pay for any commodity deemed to be a basic human right.